New Starts

The last time I wrote a blog post was two years ago. 

It had been on a personal blog I'd been trying to keep active since starting university. Since then, I've been abandoning these posts for fiction writing, script writing, and everything else my course throws at me. I suppose I found more value in my creative work than I did in writing about myself. 

I'm 22 now and in my final months of university. If I spoke to my naive, first-year self, I'd say that her writing is good, but she's got a lot to work on, and many insecurities to break through. I'd tell her how it's worth taking opportunities and doing things that scare you, because you never know the joys that new challenges can bring. 18-year-old me didn't like trying new things, thinking she'd never be good at anything other than writing. 

I'm at university - that's enough, right?!

Well, it is, but it isn't.

Since going through the university experience, I've matured so much, growing aware that life isn't all fun and games. You can't waltz through it unscathed. You have to make sacrifices, work hard, and look after yourself responsibly. I think it's mainly my third year that taught me this. The first year is about the excitement of being in a new place to study your passions; second year is where the pressure builds as you take on bigger projects and realise your assessments actually matter; then, in third year, comes the quarter-life crisis. You know you don't have long until you leave, so you must consider your plans for the future, all while stressing over your final assignments. 

It's exhausting to think about, and it's one of the many things going through my head right now - finding my place after university and not screwing it up. I think it's one of the reasons I chose to start writing a blog again. It's not so much for venting, but purely because my brain might get overwhelmed if I don't voice my thoughts somewhere. 

So, yeah, maybe I am venting a bit. 

For my final dissertation, I'm writing a pilot episode for a screenplay, which is, honestly the dream, since I've always pictured my stories coming to life on the screen. I'm putting all my passion into this piece, but the downside is that it's mentally draining, especially since I work on it every day. It's showing me just how important it is to take breaks. As I write this post, I'm on a train home for the weekend. I'm staring at beautiful fields through the window as the sunlight lands on my fingers. It's a nice journey, oddly therapeutic, if you ignore the rush to catch connections, and it's worth it for the destination. 

Worrying about my dissertation for weeks has drained me, and I often feel like I'm about to go mad. When it gets to that stage, I know I need to take time for myself, and I sometimes use a trip home as a way of doing that. Some might think this is just procrastination, but I believe it's the opposite. If you're focused on one thing 24/7, it can make you hate that idea, and you'll lose your passion for it. But if you take regular breaks, with fresh air and people to talk to, you'll go back to your work feeling revitalized and it'll only help you work harder.

After my break, I know I'll be back to studying and it's certain that stresses will come with it. But at least, with a blog, I can write about my thoughts and make sense of them, which will hopefully allow other people to empathize. (I say that like I have readers.) 

I'm excited to be restarting, so I can keep up my writing in my spare time. I think the issue with my original blog is that the posts never had a true focus: each would be a jumbled mess of what I did that day and how I felt about it. I can tell my writing's improved, because now I can see that articles and blog posts are better to read if you are making a clear point through them. 

So what's the point of this post? I guess it's to say that I'm open to new starts, whether it's a blog, or starting a life beyond university. Even though it can be daunting to think of the future, it's important to approach it with a smile, and stay positive for the big changes it'll bring.