What Am I Doing With my Life?

What the hell am I doing with my life? That's a good question. I haven't posted on this blog for so long I've been starting to wonder it myself. 

The last time I wrote a post was during lockdown, which feels like a lifetime ago, but also feels like yesterday. Months later, masks are still being worn, Covid-19 is still spreading, but we're in an odd 'in-between' stage, where everything seems normal but we're also aware that the problem isn't gone. I'm trying not to be under a false sense of security, but I'm also glad to have some freedom back. 

While all this is going on, I've been working hard at my remote job, leading a team of people, working on a marketing campaign, and having various Zoom meetings. Even though I've been enjoying the work, I've realised that the hours are no longer enough to sustain me financially, so I made the decision to apply for full-time jobs. And, as unbelievable luck would have it, I've been offered a full-time job as an Enquiries Assistant at UWE Bristol libraries!

I'm over the moon to have got this role as I really didn't expect it, but it's helped me believe that I give off good impressions and I'm capable of doing a job like this. It'll be my first ever full-time role, since most of my previous jobs have been part-time summer roles to help me get by, so hopefully this new position is something I can stick with permanently.

As I prepare for my new job, I've been working on my scripts, having fully produced two new short films in the last three months. One of them was my own script (a 2-minute film written for someone's project) while the other was written by someone else (Peter Halpin, voiceover actor and comedy writer) that I agreed to be the producer and assistant director for. This was a great experience because I got to do something different and it was rewarding to help bring someone else's project to life instead of my own.

It's made me realise I enjoy putting a team together and organizing meetings, schedules, and production. Plus, there's money in being a producer, so it's something I'm aiming to do more of if script-writing doesn't earn me money any time soon.

My showreel has increased greatly as a writer, director, and producer, plus one of my pilot scripts received an honourable mention in a competition. They're all great achievements, but a part of me is painfully aware that all this is still not making me any money, and it probably won't for a long time. Such is life when you choose to pursue a creative path! 

I think that's part of the reason I've gone for a full-time job because that's the best way for me to have a busy routine that I earn money from. While it won't leave me as much time to write and work on creative projects, it'll financially support me as I continue to plan projects. It's a scary change to my routine, but I'm ready for it and I think it's certainly overdue!

As well as good news, I've had bad news. During my most recent visit home, I found that my Labrador, Finley, had become extremely ill and we had to make the incredibly difficult decision to put him to sleep. 

I'm still completely broken by this. He'd been doing very well for the last six months, fighting on despite pain in his back legs, but he wasn't able to fight it anymore. I'm glad I was able to be there to hug and kiss him goodbye, but it didn't make it any easier to take him to the vet and know I was losing him for good.

I can feel myself tearing up as I write this, but I'm trying not to cry because I'm in a public place. Finley was such a special dog and it's so hard for me and my family to cope without him. I'm slowly getting better, but the pain is still very raw and it comes out now and again. I'm just glad to be someone who loves animals so much and chooses to have them in my life. Finley had a fulfilling life and it was completely worth every moment.

I love you so much, Finley. 💖

I've had sad times lately and I've found it hard to lift mentally, but I'm ready for a new beginning with a job that will keep me busy and help me learn new skills. I truly feel like I'm in the 'adulthood' stage of my life now, which might be why I've been feeling depressed as I start to realise it, but I've got to tackle it head-on and be ready for whatever comes my way. 

I'm still so grateful to have so many good things in my life: my beautiful city, my friends and family, a full-time job I worked hard to secure, and my creative achievements. It can only get better from here, right?