2023: How the F*** Did We Get Here?

I've been contemplating how I might write this post; what I would even talk about, after so long of not touching my blog, or not even attempting any kind of conversation about my life at the moment. 

But at this point, as I look at the news headlines, think about how much the world has changed since 2020, and realise I just had a 26th birthday that brings me further out of my precious twenties... all I can say is, how the actual f*** did we get here?

Where am I now?

It be me.

So it's 2023, two years-ish after my last post in this blog, and it's strange to think I was in a completely different place when I last wrote something here. I still live in Bristol and love the city to this day. It's my haven, a place I stroll around on my free days and take in all its vibrancy, home to a creative community I feel at home in. Instead of Horfield, I now live in Fishponds, a beautiful suburb in North Bristol with plenty of shops, cafes, and parks, including a park right beside the house. The only thing that lets this place down is its public transport, as we are home to the worst bus service in Bristol, which is so lucky for me, right?

I'm pretty happy here, even though adjusting to life in a house-share has been tricky. The girls I share with have been generally lovely and I feel comfortable for now.

Job-wise, I'm still working at UWE Bristol as a library assistant. I've been looking to the future in regards to this career, wondering if I could pursue a job as a librarian in future if I gain the right qualifications. I've opted out of doing an MSc in this field for the time being, since I know I function best when I can dedicate all my time to a course instead of doing it alongside full-time work. For now, the aim will be to move to an administrator position and make the most of my current role in the meantime.  

War and Injustice - do we not learn?

The world is bizarre and terrifying as we start 2023, no matter how much we try to smile and pretend the bad stuff isn't happening. I never thought in my lifetime I would say that a war was going on, but it's staring us in the face and escalating by the minute. When Russia invaded Ukraine last year, I remember how tense it made me feel. I couldn't think about anything else while I was at work that day, my body relying on autopilot as my mind was trapped in this standstill-state, wondering what the hell was happening to the world. 

Now, Putin is still pointing his guns and missiles at the rest of the world for daring to intervene. Never did I think I'd live in fear of a nuclear attack, but here we are. It's real and terrifying, but we must stand strong against the threats in order to defend people's freedom. 

Related to this, I look at other headlines and notice other basic freedoms being challenged, such as rights for LGBTQ+ people, the transgender community, women, black people etc. I wonder if I really am in 2023. We get told we live in a world that doesn't need campaigning for minorities' rights anymore. All that was left behind in the 1950's/60's. But I see more and more that this isn't true, and we've become so complacent with that idea that we are less motivated to stand up to the racists, misogynists, homophobes etc. We're too busy staring at our phones and living lazy lives to fix the wrongs of the world, and criticize those who deserve it.

I realise as I write this that I'm hanging onto the negatives of the world right now. I admit I find it hard to drag myself out of depressive slumps when I read the news, take in everything that's happening, and feel helpless to change it all. I struggle with my mental health as it is, so bad headline after bad headline is enough to bring me right down. 

But - and it's a big but - I've noticed the strength of people coming together in the face of the crises we're facing. The power of community can't be underestimated and I've found myself constantly grounded by the words of people around me. I feel grateful to be part of such a wide network of writers on Twitter who always have interesting thoughts and wisdom to share, as well as the friends I have in Bristol.

The future of this blog

As you will have seen, this post is very much a splurge of my current goings-on, both the good things in my personal life and the awful things in the world's life, but I am inspired by the confidence I've had to just sit down and write this thing. I've been writing all sorts for the past couple of years, which would normally be 90% scripts, but in this case I've taken a break from that medium and spent months updating a novel-like fanfiction instead. I have no regrets with this because it's made me happier than anything to work on a story I'm really invested in - it's a dark fantasy with a twisted romanced and character study at the heart of it, so it's easy for me to get hooked.

In regards to what I write now, I'm getting back into scriptwriting and am working on a short film script that I'd love to shoot in the summer (if I can get the right team on-board) and am also writing a couple of essays on TV series that will be converted into videos for a YouTube channel. All of these new writing habits have inspired me to get into my old ones, which includes updating this blog. My newfound passion for analysing films and TV series has made me want to restart my review blog and my personal blog at the same time. 

After all, cathartic writing is good for the soul, and it's made me realise how much I missed that feeling. I had a look at my old blog, 'Abigail's Chronicles' (I'm cringing at the title, I made myself sound so important) and it gave me a sad, nostalgic feeling to know I was able to write so much about my life without a filter, even if the writing itself was bad and could have been edited a lot more. Much of that blog was spent writing about the fear of university and then the innocent relief when I knew I was capable of interacting with others my own age. Thank God for that, hey?

Sometimes I wish I could return to the simplicity of university (does anyone else browse university courses and consider applying even if we know we can't afford them?), but in my heart I know that life is behind me. Right now, I need to focus on my job prospects, where my current career in libraries is going, and what I want to aim for in terms of writing, whether that's screenwriting, fiction, or some form of non-fiction.

Between all of that, I want to keep this blog going, and not abandon it for as long as I have. Like I said, cathartic writing heals the soul, and I think my creative spark will be revived more if I keep getting my own thoughts out into a blog. My creative spark has been revived by writing essays and blog posts, and I want to keep this up as much as I can, for the sake of my other projects. 

In summary, expect this blog to be semi-regularly update, depending on my work hours and when the inspiration strikes. I'd like to use this space to talk about specific issue that fascinate me, whether it's in the news, on Netflix, or just at the forefront of my crazy mind. When the idea's there, I'll write about it. That I can guarantee.

Writing a script in a Bristol pub, just because I can.